Well, if you have problems of a romantic type,
You got to head on up to Middlemarch.
There’s a little shop up there / And the sign says
Strath Taeri Rabbit Board (repeat as needed)
It’s a dirty little building, it’s got dirty walls, dirty windows
You can’t see in because in the window dirty curtains inside those windows.
You gotta knock on the door, ‘cause that’s where they make
John the Conqueroo, John the Conqueroo,
John the Conqueroo, John the Conqueroo,
The things they'll do
See, up in the Strath Taeri Rabbit Board, they know everything about the cute little bunnies.
And those bunnies’ feets
If they let you in you’re goona feel a sting in your hip pocket nerve.
Because John the Conqueroo needs money
and your arm gonna get a cut. ‘cause John the Conqueroo needs blood, to make…
John the Conqueroo, John the Conqueroo,
John the Conqueroo, John the Conqueroo,
The things they'll do
Well, You’ll leave with a rabbit’s foot, filled up with your blood and eleven secret herbs and spices.
That’s the easy part
You got to hide it under the pillow of the one you desire.
Which is not so easy since people don’t usually like sleeping on bloody animal appendage under their pillow.
You gotta be a bit sly, a bit secretive, a bit covert about it
But and slide it inside their pillow
You gonna be in
In their dreams, in their dreams
You gonna be in their dreams, in their dreams
Oh the things they’ll do.